


Horny

by allwaswell16



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Art, Auror Harry Potter, Awkward Conversations, Christmas, Curses, Getting Together, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Horns, Kissing, M/M, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Mutual Pining, Post-Hogwarts, Potioneer Draco Malfoy, Potions, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Protective Harry, Truth Serum, art by FallingLikeThis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:07:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27918703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allwaswell16/pseuds/allwaswell16
Summary: When Harry grows a pair of horns just before Christmas, he seeks out Draco's help to get rid of them. Knowing Draco is newly single has nothing to do with that though.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 147





	Horny

**Author's Note:**

  * For [phdmama](https://archiveofourown.org/users/phdmama/gifts).



> Happy birthday, phdmama! For once, I managed to write your birthday fic ahead of time! I hope you enjoy this little fic that Tabby and I cooked up for you! We hope you have the most wonderful birthday! Sending you so much love! <3
> 
> Thank you to [Tabby/FallingLikeThis](https://fallinglikethis.tumblr.com/) for the prompt and the wonderful art for this fic! Thank you also for looking over the fic for me! <3

Harry sat at the desk in his somewhat cluttered cubicle at Auror Headquarters reading the Daily Prophet and sipping a cup of tea. His eyes were drawn immediately to a headline that read  _ No Longer Jonesing for Malfoy?—Chudley Cannon’s Famed Beater Liam Jones Seen Stepping Out Without Paramour Draco Malfoy. _

He swallowed his tea down his windpipe and began coughing as someone came up behind him. With a flick of Arthur Weasley’s wand, the offending tea came back up and splattered across the newspaper. Liam Jones now sported a tea stained jersey as he flew through the photograph.

“Whoops. Sorry about that Harry.”

Harry wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “No problem, Arthur. It’s fine.” 

Arthur set a small purple box on his desk with the words Sugarplum’s Sweet Shop written across it in gold lettering. “They’re Butterbear Bon Bons. Molly thought you’d like them. I think it’s her way of reminding you about coming to the Burrow for Christmas.”

Harry smiled. “Wouldn’t miss it. I know she’s afraid I’ll end up working on Christmas otherwise, but I’ve already called off.”

“Good, good. She just—worries as you know.”

“I know.” 

Arthur gave him a smile and a nod. “See you at Christmas, Harry.”

Possibly the only thing he wasn’t looking forward to staying with the Weasley’s for Christmas was Molly’s constant reminders that he didn’t need to continue to put his life in danger. The problem was if he wasn’t an auror what exactly was he? What other skills did he even possess? 

His auror schedule, or lack of one,  _ was _ the biggest hindrance to having Teddy live with him though. His heart ached at the thought of how much he’d already missed of Teddy’s childhood. Maybe it really was time to hang it up. 

With a sigh, he crumpled up the newspaper in front of him and opened a folder of paperwork he needed to catch up on. As he worked, he opened up the box of bon bons Molly had sent him and popped one in his mouth. He nearly groaned with how delicious the chocolate and butterbeer syrup tasted in his mouth. He did have a legendary sweet tooth after all. He’d forgotten just how delicious the sweets were from Sugarplum’s. 

Just as he swallowed down the bon bon, an odd sensation began at the top of his head. “What the—”

It felt almost as if something were growing there. He reached his fingers up and prodded the top of his head and yes—something was there. Something hard and bony was sticking up from under his hair. 

He flung the hood of his robes over his head and immediately headed for the loo, where his reflection in the mirror showed two small, but sharp, horns growing out of his head. “Bloody hell.”

The door began to open, and he immediately banged open a stall and shut himself inside. He tried to stay calm, but it was a bit hard to do as he felt the smooth texture of the horns poking out of his head. As soon as whoever was done and washed up, he stepped back out of the stall and threw his hood back over the horns. 

His mind raced with how this could have happened, but the first thing he needed to do was get the hell out of here.

  
  


“Bloody hell, Harry. You’ve got horns!”

“How astute of you to notice, Ron.” Hermione turned back to Harry, pushing a cup of tea across the table towards him. “Now explain exactly what’s happened.”

Harry took a sip of tea. “Um, well—your father in law brought me some chocolates this morning. Actually they were from Ron’s mum. But anyway, I ate one and then—boom—horns.”

“Sick.”

“Ron!”

“Sorry.”

“I mean, obviously Arthur wouldn’t curse me and neither would Molly. The bon bons were from Sugarplum’s, so I suppose someone from there could have done it. But how would they know they were intended for me?”

“Were they Butterbeer Bon Bons? Those are delicious, mate.”

“Ron!”

“Sorry.”

“Yeah, they were really good. I’m thinking they aren’t supposed to give you a pair of horns when you eat one though.”

Ron nodded. “You always were lucky that way.”

Hermione snorted. “Well, I think you should have gone to Robards or possibly the Minister with this Harry. Someone could be targeting you.”

“But like I said, how could they have known the bon bons would get to me?” 

“I think you’re both missing the bigger problem here,” Ron piped in.

“What’s that?”

“You can’t come to the Burrow for Christmas with those horns. My mum will come unglued.” Ron shuddered at the thought. “You need to figure out how to get rid of them in the next two days, mate.”

“This is true.” Hermione tilted her head and winced in agreement. “I know you said someone cursed the bon bons, but I’d guess it more likely to be a potion inside the bon bon since you said the horns didn’t grow until you’d ingested one.”

Harry thought back. “Yeah, you’re right. Nothing happened when I just touched it. Just after I swallowed is when they started growing.”

“You could try going to St. Mungo’s, but then it’d likely leak to the press that you’ve shown up with horns. And that could be a real publicity problem for the Ministry that aurors are getting cursed.” Hermione tutted. “You likely need a skilled potioneer to be honest. So in my opinion that leaves just two choices really Professor Slughorn or—”

“Malfoy.”

  
  


Harry stood just outside the gates of Malfoy Manor and took a deep breath. It was just Draco after all, and he’d been expecting him half an hour ago. They were friendly now. Maybe not  _ friends _ precisely. It was hard to be just friends with someone he’d felt so intensely about for half his life. 

It was also hard to be just friends with someone as fit as Malfoy, a little voice in his head whispered. He tried to bury that thought along with the visualisation of that newspaper headline that implied Draco was single.

A house elf escorted him through the sumptuous rooms of the manor until they reached the very back of the house. The elf opened the door to a room filled with light streaming in from the large bowed windows that looked out onto a snow covered garden.

Movement at one side of the room drew his eyes to the smirking face he saw all too often in his fantasies. The silver-grey eyes glanced at the top of his head. “I always knew you were horny for me, Potter, but this is a bit dramatic even for you.”

Harry felt his cheeks flush with colour, and his reaction to the joke had Draco eyeing him curiously. He fiddled with the straps of the bag he was wearing before remembering Draco would need the bon bons if he was to figure anything out about it. He set the bag at his feet and dug around inside it, glad to have something to focus on besides the way Draco’s hair gleamed white in the light. 

“Um—here.” He thrust the box of bon bons into Draco’s hands. 

Draco took the box and set it on the long work table beside him, vials and jars and bottles already set out on it. Draco opened the box. “Why are there four missing?”

“I ate them.”

“You ate four bon bons even after the first one gave you horns?”

“Um, yes.” Harry felt his face burn even hotter. “They were delicious.”

A laugh burst forth from Draco’s lips so loud that Harry startled. “Well, Gryffindors are known for their brawn rather than their brains, but this is daft even for you, Potter.”

He didn’t have much of a defense, and to be honest Draco’s laugh and the bright smile that had gone with it had left him a bit dumbstruck. “Hermione’s a Gryffindor.”

Draco shook his head. “There are always outliers, Potter.”

Malfoy took one of the bon bons and dropped it into a cauldron before filling it with a clear liquid that hissed and bubbled. He turned back to face him.

“Give me a few hours, and I’ll likely be able to tell what’s in it. Then, we can go from there as to an antidote. Make yourself at home.” Draco waved an arm carelessly. “You can read in the library if you wish or take a walk around the grounds. Modrey would be pleased to bring you tea in the drawing room.”

“I’d rather just stay here if you don’t mind.” He hadn’t said the words  _ with you _ , but the implication hung in the air. 

Draco shrugged, flicking his wand at a jar filled with a crimson powder of some sort that began pouring itself into a bowl. “I doubt I’d be good company at the moment, but—”

“Well, I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Mm. Been in a bit of a funk, I suppose.” Draco prodded at the surface of the liquid, which seemed to be separating into a swirl of colours. “Not really up for pub night.”

Harry gathered a bit of courage. “Because of your breakup?”

Draco flashed him a look and then huffed out a breath as he weighed out a small amount of the crimson powder. “Something like that.”

Harry made his way over to a deep green velvet sofa and sat down. “What is it exactly then?”

Draco looked as surprised as Harry felt at the question. “I suppose it’s more the cause of the breakup.”

A sour look came over Draco’s face for a moment and then disappeared. He murmured a spell of some sort and captured some of whatever was in the cauldron into a phial. It was quite a bright blue colour whatever it was.

Harry thought about leaving well enough alone, but when would he get another chance like this one? It wasn’t as if he and Malfoy ever spoke outside of a group setting at the pub. “Um—if you feel like talking about it—”

Draco’s head snapped up. “You want to talk about my breakup?”

Harry shrugged, trying to not look desperately interested. “If you want to. I mean, I’m your—friend. So if you want to talk about it—”

Draco’s eyes narrowed. “Fine, Potter. I seem to get dumped quite a lot and always for the same reason. I’m not quite sure how to proceed because obviously I’m the problem that needs to be fixed. Are we done talking now?”

Harry stood up, fists at his side. Something curdled in his gut at the thought that these arseholes had made Draco feel this way. “They’re absolute wankers. It’s rarely just one person’s fault in a breakup. How dare they make you feel like this is all your fault!”

A small smile bloomed across Draco’s face as he shook his head and began extracting something from the cauldron into another phial. “Gryffindors. Always ready for a fight.”

“Well, you don’t deserve to feel that way.”

“Don’t I?”

“No.”

“How are you so sure, Potter?”

He honestly couldn’t imagine anyone actually having Draco Malfoy and then just giving him up. “They must be complete idiots. Too many bludgers to the head probably.”

Draco laughed, and the sound went straight through him. He’d feel foolish, but Draco’s reactions have always affected him strongly. Draco pulled a bottle off the shelf and poured a small amount into a bowl. “How about you, Potter? How have you and your latest boy toy been doing?”

“Not. Don’t have one. We broke up—I dunno. Months ago, I suppose.”

“Jack, was it?” Draco began chopping something into small bits.

“Jake.” 

“Mm. And why didn’t that one work out?”

Draco had quite turned the tables on him now somehow. He was good at that. “Dunno. Just—wasn’t the one for me, I guess.”

Draco tipped the bits into the bowl before looking at him and raising one perfect eyebrow. “Looking to settle down with _ the one, _ are you?

Harry swallowed and didn’t answer. He walked over to the large windows and looked out into the snowy garden beyond. He’d started this conversation, but his courage left him now. He really was looking to settle down with the one. But he already had a good idea of who that person might be. And he really wasn’t ready to hear otherwise right now. 

He returned to the sofa and watched Malfoy work, adding things and extracting them from the cauldron. The last thing he remembered before drifting off was Malfoy opening up the chocolates to examine another of the bon bons. 

Harry wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep when Malfoy woke him up with a potion to try. Draco stood just before him in all his lithe glory, looking as though he’d stepped off a Muggle fashion photo shoot rather than just spent however long working on a potion. He sat up, a horn catching on the velvet that he just managed not to rip as he rose into a sitting position.

“It’s quite an interesting potion,” Draco said. “I’d be very curious as to who created it. It would have to be someone quite skilled. In any case, if you’d just eaten one, the horns would likely have disappeared after a day or so. But since you ate  _ four _ , you seemed to have amplified the effects.”

Harry reached for the phial in Draco’s hand, but Draco held it out of reach. “You can either wait out the effects, which I’d estimate to be about a week or so. Or you can try this. It may have some side effects, but nothing too drastic, I wouldn’t think.”

He absolutely was not walking around with horns for a week. “Give me the potion.”

“Fine. Just be aware you could possibly have a bit of a hair color change and—”

Harry snatched the phial from Draco’s fingers and drank it.

“—it has some truth serum properties as well.”

“What?”

“I don’t know for sure which effects might—”

An odd feeling had begun at the top of his head, and he could somehow feel the horns slowly retreating as though someone were carving them down. Something stirred inside him, warming him.

“Your hair’s turned a bit red.” Draco snorted. “You’ll fit right in with the Weasley’s now on Christmas morning. How are you feeling?”

“Horny.” Harry slapped a hand over his mouth.

Draco blinked. “But the horns are gone—”

“Not what I meant,” Harry said, muffled behind his fingers. 

Draco crinkled his nose adorably. “What do you mean—oh. Are you saying it has some kind of aphrodisiac properties? Hmm, what could be causing that?”

“You.” Bloody hell.

“Me?” Draco continued to look adorably confused for a moment and then his pale face began to fill with colour. “I—you—what?”

He desperately tried to stop himself from answering, but it was clear he couldn’t stop it. He clapped a hand over his mouth as his lips moved of their own accord. “Truth serum.”

Draco’s cheeks burned pink as he stumbled forward and sat down with a soft thump onto the sofa. “Well—so the truth serum effects should be quite minor. Nothing to be ashamed of, Potter. We all have biological needs. I’ll try not to ask you any questions in the next few minutes, alright?”

“I want you to.”

“You want me to ask you questions whilst you’re under a truth serum effect? I highly doubt that.”

“Yes, I do. If I didn’t, I’d have to answer otherwise.”

“What in Salazar’s name could you possibly want me to ask you right now, Potter?”

“I want you to ask me to kiss you.”

Draco’s grey eyes widened into silver pools that Harry never wanted to stop gazing into.

“Silver pools? What has this potion done to you?”

“I didn’t mean to say that bit out loud, but it’s true. You already know what the potion’s done to me, Draco.”

Draco swallowed and looked away. “We are going to sit here quietly until the effects wear off. And then, I’m going to apologise for not being more careful with the side effects, and if you wish, we can pretend this never happened.”

“What if I don’t want to pretend it never happened?”

Draco’s jaw twitched, and he looked back at him, his eyes shining. “Please don’t say things you don’t mean.”

Harry opened his mouth to refute this, but Draco clapped his own hand over Harry’s mouth. “Don’t. Please. Let’s wait for the potion to wear off.”

He pried Draco’s slim fingers off his lips and held the pale hand to his chest. “I think the potion’s already worn off.”

“How do you know?”

“Ask me who the best seeker from Hogwarts was, and I’ll lie to you about the answer.”

“Who was the best seeker from Hogwarts, Potter?”

“Draco Malfoy,” Harry lied, a smile tugging at his lips.

“You git,” Draco snorted.

Harry laughed and pulled Draco closer. “So now that you know for certain the potion’s worn off, you can apologise for forcing my secrets from me.”

Draco’s eyes dropped to his lap. “Do you know why men keep dumping me, Harry?”

Harry’s heart thrilled at the sound of his name on Draco’s lips. “Why?”

“Because they all think I’m in love with you.”

“Do you know why I keep breaking up with people, Draco?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m in love with you.”

“Oh.”

“Do you think I could get that kiss now?”

Before he could even get the question fully from his lips, he had a lap full of Draco, long fingers pressed to his cheeks, and warm lips kissing him. He moaned as Draco opened his mouth to him and let him inside.

As the light faded outside the windows, it grew inside the battle scarred men who’d finally made their way to each other. 

* EPILOGUE *

Harry stood beside the fireplace at The Burrow, one arm wrapped around Draco as he wore his just opened yearly Christmas jumper from Molly and smiled at the faces surrounding him. Molly tutted about wishing she’d had enough notice to knit one for Draco who flushed a delightful pink at the notion. 

“So I have a bit of an announcement to make,” he began.

Everyone turned to him and quieted. “I’m going to leave the Ministry. I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know my auror days are over, Molly.”

“Oh, Harry!” Molly rushed to him, wrapping her arms around him into a tight hug. “I’m so glad. There are so many other wonderful things you could do, you know?”

“I’m—well, yes, there are some charities that Draco’s offered to put me in touch with that could likely use some help. Might as well use my name for something that could do some good.”

Ron clapped him on the back, and various Weasleys shouted out their good wishes. 

George suddenly appeared next to him. “So we never got the whole story about how you and ferret face got together, did we?”

“Git,” Draco mumbled.

“What was that?” George held a hand to his missing ear. “Couldn’t hear you. Only got the one, don’t you know.”

“Well, actually, I haven’t had a chance to delve into the mystery quite yet, but I received some bon bons from your mum, and when they led to an unfortunate effect, I sought out Draco for—”

A huge grin spread across George’s face. “Ah yes, the butterbeer bon bons.”

“Bloody hell, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

George burst into laughter. “My latest creation! Now that I think of it, might have forgot to send you a note with them though, explaining.”

“Yeah, you did.”

“Ah, sorry about that. All's well that ends well and all that. Happy Christmas, Harry!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked this, please leave kudos and comments! And if you're on tumblr, you can reblog the art and fic post for this fic [here](https://allwaswell16.tumblr.com/post/637126504322662400/h-o-r-n-y-written-by-allwaswell16-for-phd-mama)!


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